


in the shadow of your heart

by thethingaboutashis



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Fantasy, Friends to Lovers, Guardian Angels, M/M, Magical Accidents, Slow Build, Soulmates, Teacher Ashton Irwin, University Student Michael Clifford
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-02
Updated: 2020-02-12
Packaged: 2021-02-27 03:41:19
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 11,079
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22080481
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thethingaboutashis/pseuds/thethingaboutashis
Summary: "And in the dark, I can hear your heartbeatI tried to find the soundBut then it stopped, and I was in the darkness,So darkness I became"in which Michael notices something really odd about his shadow one daytitle from Cosmic Love by Florence + The Machine
Relationships: Luke Hemmings/Calum Hood, Michael Clifford/Ashton Irwin
Comments: 3
Kudos: 19





	1. Chapter 1

To say Michael was stressed out was an understatement. It was finals week, and his professors were ruthless with piling on projects, research papers, and study guides, all to be completed by Friday. It was barely Monday, but Michael had a sneaking suspicion that he would leave everything until the last minute possible and then end up crying and complaining about the unfairness and audacity of his professors to assign such a heavy workload. 

How did Michael know this?

Because as soon as he got out of his second class of the day, he pulled out his phone and called his best friend. It rang a few times before clicking.

“Hello?”

“Cal! Hey, so glad you answered!” he said excitedly. Calum grunted in response, eliciting a giggle from Michael.

“I know, I know. You’re just as glad, if not even gladder, than I am. Anyways, I was calling to see what you were doing,” he continued. He heard some shuffling on the other side of the line before his best friend spoke again.

“I’m getting ready to go pick Luke up from work, we were planning on going out for lunch. Why, what’s up?” Calum responded. Michael grinned, tucking his phone between his ear and his shoulder as he unfolded his scooter, snapping it into place and stepping onto it. 

“Well, I would like to tag along, if that’s okay with you. I’m in desperate need of a drink.”

Calum huffed, but it sounded more amused than anything.

“A drink, huh? At two in the afternoon?”

“Surprise, we’re day-drinking!” Michael shouted. Calum laughed then and Michael smiled yet again, loving how easily he could entertain his best friend. He ignored the shocked look the girl walking past him gave him, focusing on Calum’s next words instead.

“I’m sure Luke will love that plan. Get home and I’ll see you there, yeah?” Calum said, the sound of a door closing behind him indicating that he was already leaving their shared apartment. Michael hummed in agreement and hung up, slipping his phone into his back pocket so he could get home as fast as possible. He started kicking his right foot continuously, gaining speed slowly as he carefully weaved through the crowd of students rushing to and from their classes. Once he made it to the parking lot, he began speeding, kicking faster for a few seconds and then placing both feet up on the scooter, letting the momentum propel him forward. He looked down, making sure there were no rocks or twigs in his way that could get caught in his tires. The amount of times he had eaten shit in front of others because of a random pebble was ridiculous and he refused to do it again anytime soon. It was then that Michael noticed something really strange about his shadow.

It did not appear to be riding a scooter.

Instead, it was on two legs, and it was running as fast as it could right next to him. 

His head snapped to the side at lightning speed, causing him to lose control of the scooter almost immediately. It swiveled to the left and hit a fallen branch- lazy custodians be damned- and launched him over the handlebars. Michael fell face first into the grass, arms landing limp by his side. All of it happened so fast that he hadn’t even had the time or mind to try and break his fall with his hands. Michael groaned, feeling the damp grass on his cheek as he opened his eyes slowly, afraid to see if anyone had witnessed how stupidly he had fallen. He pushed himself up carefully, feeling pain shoot up his left elbow and both of his knees. After a quick survey of his surroundings, he was thankful to see that no one was around. Which reminded him of the reason he fell in the first place.

Sitting up, he looked back at his shadow. It was sitting like he was. Michael felt the hairs at the back of his neck stand up and he visibly shuddered, confused as to what he had seen just a minute or two ago. There was no way his shadow had been running, so what on earth was that black figure trying so hard to catch up with him? He pulled his phone out, shooting a quick text to his group chat with Calum and Luke.

_Just flipped tf off my scooter yet again. Pls get me a bigger one for Christmas. See u both at home x ___

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He got up quickly, dusting off the knees of his pants before getting back on his scooter and riding home, much less hurried than before. He glanced to his side a few times but noticed nothing weird about his shadow again. 

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***

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It was 4:23 in the afternoon and Michael was absolutely hammered. His friends had picked a seafood restaurant that was famous for serving entire fishbowls of alcohol to customers willing to take on the challenge. 

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Fishbowls.

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So two fishbowls of a fruity concoction later, Michael’s cheeks were flushed a solid red color and there was a sloppy grin that had been glued to his face for the last hour and a half. He peered over the top of his glasses at Luke and Calum, who were looking back at him with merriment clear in their eyes.

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“Guys, you will not believe what happened to me earlier,” Michael slurred. Calum chuckled, leaning forward and resting his chin on his cupped hands, elbows propped up on the table. Luke mimicked him, both men giving Michael their full attention. He hiccupped once before continuing.

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“Ya know how I said I fell off my scooter earlier? It was because I saw something. Something… creepy,” he said, almost whispering the last part. 

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“Oh?” Luke said, his left eyebrow raising in question. Michael nodded, complete seriousness in his unfocused gaze. 

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“There was something- someone. I looked down and my shadow wasn’t my shadow. It didn’t look like I was riding my scooter, it looked like I was running. Fast. It was like my shadow was trying to catch up to me. I got so scared, I lost control of my scooter and fell,” Michael concluded. 

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Calum had been nodding along to every word Michael said, encouraging his best friend to let out his “creepy” story. When he had finished, Calum spoke. 

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“Sounds creepy indeed, mate.”

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“Right? I’m telling you, it was such a weird thing to notice and- wait, are you just shitting me?” Michael said, finally registering the humor on Calum’s face. The latter began laughing and when Michael huffed and crossed his arms, Luke shoved at Calum’s shoulder to silence him.

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“Love, shut up. Don’t make fun of Mike,” he admonished his boyfriend. Calum laughed quietly and kissed Luke’s forehead.

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“Sorry babe, it’s just not what I was expecting,” he mumbled apologetically. Calum turned back to face Michael. 

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“That does sound odd, Mikey. Are you sure there wasn’t anybody running behind you? Someone jogging, maybe?” he asked. 

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Michael shook his head as fast as he could, his actions sluggish due to all the alcohol sloshing around in his tummy. 

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“I know what ‘m telling you guys, it wasn’t my imagination. I saw what I saw,” he said, another hiccup escaping him against his will. Luke and Calum nodded, deciding that trying to help Michael make sense of what he thought he saw while he was drunk wasn’t a very good idea. 

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“We believe you, bud,” Calum said. He eyed Luke discreetly, trying his best to communicate that it was time to go home. Thankfully Luke caught on, waving to their waiter and gesturing for the check while Calum reached for Michael’s hand. 

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“How ‘bout we go home, Mikey? You can have a warm shower and we can watch a film in the living room, yeah? Some popcorn with-“

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“Skittles, yes. Plenty of Skittles,” Michael slurred, finishing Calum’s sentence for him. Calum laughed and nodded. 

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“All the Skittles for you, my friend,” he agreed. Michael smiled, pleased by the plans being formed for the rest of the night. A quick trip to the restroom, he thought, and he’d be ready to go. 

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“‘M gonna run to the restroom, gotta take a quick piss before we leave,” he muttered, getting up on wobbly legs and heading towards the restrooms. 

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The loud music from the bar got quieter the closer he got and by the time he made it inside, it was eerily quiet. He went about his business quickly, eager to get back to his friends and make his way home. When he was washing his hands, he heard rustling behind him. He looked up, catching a swift movement in the corner of the mirror. He instantly spun around, checking to see what had escaped his gaze. 

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Nothing. 

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Michael knew nobody had entered the restroom. He would’ve heard them for sure. Instead, he attributed it to his inebriated state. He huffed quietly to himself, amused my how paranoid he was being. As he exited the restroom, he heard an unfamiliar voice whisper in his ear. 

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“Get home safe, Mikey.”

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He jolted still, absolutely terrified. He knew no one was behind him, but he turned around anyways to see who had spoken to him. 

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All he saw was his shadow. 

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***

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Michael was glad to be home. The events of the day had him really upset, but he didn’t voice them to his friends anymore. He knew they loved him, but he also knew they thought he was either pretending for attention or just crazy. Michael was a prankster, always spouting something dumb to make others laugh. While he was completely serious about this, it was understandable that Calum and Luke didn’t believe him. When they got home, Michael excused himself, telling the boys he was going to have an early night after his shower. 

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“Are you sure, babe? You know we don’t mind if you join us on the couch for a while,” Luke said worriedly. He only pulled out the cute pet names, usually reserved for Calum, when he was really concerned about Michael. The latter nodded, giving the taller boy the best smile he could muster in his current state. 

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“I’m just tired, Lukey. It was a long day at school and I’m feeling a little sore from falling off my scooter, actually. I’m just gonna take a warm bath and then crawl into bed. Cuddle y’all tomorrow?” He asked. Luke nodded, smiling softly. 

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“Sounds good to me, love. Cal and I will be up a bit longer so feel free to come downstairs if you change your mind!” He chirped. Michael nodded and made his way upstairs. Calum and Luke shared a bedroom on the first floor of their apartment, while Michael had his own room and bathroom on the second floor. 

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When Michael reached his restroom, he quietly closed the door behind him. He pulled his phone out of his pocket and opened his music app, searching for the right playlist to match his mood. He found what he was looking for and pressed play, setting his phone down on the floor next to the tub. He turned the warm water on and let it fill the tub, turning to light the candle that was sitting on the toilet while it did. He didn’t usually have the time or the patience for a bath, but tonight he was feeling extra drained. Soaking in nice water with good music and the tropical smell of his candle would help him relax, he was sure. 

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Once the water had risen to a few inches below the edge of the tub, Michael switched the taps off. He undressed quickly, kicking his briefs and pants towards the counter. He slipped his shirt over his head and placed it on the toilet. 

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He stepped into the tub and gently lowered himself into the water, his knees starting to feel the ache of his accident earlier in the day. When he was settled, he slid forwards, leveling his shoulders with the water. He leaned his head back and closed his eyes, focusing on the faint swish of the water and the music playing softly in the background. He felt so relaxed that he started dozing off. 

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That is, until he heard the voice again. 

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“Oh, Michael.”

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Michael stiffened. There was no way he was hearing the same voice from the restaurant in his restroom because there was definitely nobody in there with him. He kept his eyes closed and decided to speak up. 

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“Wh-who’s there?” He called quietly, voice wavering with fear. It was silent, unnaturally so, while he waited for a response. Finally, after a minute or two that felt eternal, it came. 

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“You can hear me?” The voice asked, an undeniable air of surprise in it. 

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“Yes, I can hear you. And I, I think I can see you too. You’re my shadow, aren’t you?” Michael asked, a bit more confident now that he knew there was somebody- or something, he wasn’t counting that idea out yet- answering. He heard a huff, almost as if whatever was responding was offended by his question. 

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“I am not your shadow. Not really, anyways.”

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Michael nodded, his eyes still closed. The voice was sweet, now that he looked past his initial fear and focused more on it. Melodic, almost. It was a male’s voice, that much he could tell. Young too, by the sound of it. 

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“Not really? What does that mean?” Michael questioned. 

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“I’m not your shadow. I’m just a guy, I don’t know how I got this way,” the voice said sadly. Michael was confused. 

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“A guy? Why can’t I see you? You look like a shadow to me,” he replied. 

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“Yes, I know. I’m not sure how it happened, just that- well, I don’t know if I can tell you all that right now. My main concern is that you can actually hear me. I’ve been trying for so long to get you to hear me, I don’t know why today you did,” the voice said, growing increasingly more desperate with each word. Michael’s curiosity was getting the best of him. 

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“I’m- I’m going to open my eyes,” Michael said. “I want to see you.” 

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“No!” The voice shouted immediately. It was so loud and sudden that Michael jumped, splashing water over the sides of the tub. 

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“What? Why?” He asked, eyes still closed. 

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“Just, don’t. Please. All you’ll see is a shadow, and that’s not me. Please,” The voice pleaded. Michael shook his head. 

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“I’m going to open my eyes,” he insisted. There was no response. He took this as a sign to let his eyes slowly flutter open. 

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He was alone again. Not even a shadow.

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	2. Chapter 2

When Michael woke up the next morning, he was hungover, sore, and disoriented. He blinked groggily at the ceiling, momentarily forgetting why he felt so off. Then the memories of the day before came flooding back. From leaving class to falling to getting drunk and then to bathing. And then he remembered the thing in common with all of those events. 

The shadow. 

He groaned, suddenly feeling nervous again. He rolled out of bed hesitantly, dragging his feet as he headed to the restroom for his morning leak. He went about his routine, brushing his teeth and face, returning to his room to get dressed and then heading downstairs. He found Calum and Luke asleep on the sofa, long limbs tangled with each other in a way that made them indistinguishable from one another. It looked like they had knocked out watching Disney movies or something, because the early morning preschool shows were playing on the TV.

Michael sighed, tiptoeing into the kitchen to avoid waking his friends up. He pulled the gallon of milk out of the fridge, grabbing the chocolate syrup as well and closing the door gently with his hip. He served himself some milk and syrup, placing a spoon in his cup and letting it sit on the counter while he put the things away again. He retreated to his room, stirring his milk on the way to avoid making noise near his friends. He was still looking down at his milk when he entered his room and nearly had a heart attack when he heard the voice.

“Morning, Michael.”

Michael almost physically shot up from the ground, completely surprised to realize he wasn’t alone. He looked up and saw a shadow sat on his bed.   
Impossible, he thought. 

It was more than a shadow. It was clearly a solid figure, his mattress visibly weighed down by it. It was a few inches taller than him. Despite being a solid black color, Michael could see the outline of clothes and hair on it. 

“What in the fuck- what are you?! Why do you look so solid and why can you speak and why are you here?” Michael sputtered. The figure raised its hands as if asking Michael to relax. It would have been funny if it wasn’t so terrifying, Michael thought. 

“I’m just a guy! I know I don’t look like it, but I swear I am,” the figure said, a hint of despair in its voice. Michael was scared but also curious to know more about this mysterious being in his presence. 

“You already said that last night but can you please elaborate? I’m quite convinced I’ve lost my mind,” Michael responded. He saw the figure move as if shaking its head. 

“My name is Ashton. I’m just- I was just a regular guy. Before I became this, I mean. I was in my last year of college, studying to be a music teacher. I had a decent life, supportive parents and sweet siblings. But I was different. Liking other boys wasn’t accepted back then, and-“

“Back then?” Michael interrupted. “What do you mean, back then?”

“When I was normal. Let me finish, will you? As I was saying, I was different, and different wasn’t good. Not many people wanted to be friends with me, despite my efforts. And even less people wanted to take a romantic interest in me. I was lonely, you know?” Ashton said dejectedly. 

Michael nodded. He knew the feeling. He stayed silent, waiting for Ashton to continue. 

“It was late one night, and I was in my room. It had been a long day. I felt tired, unreasonably so, and I just wanted to unwind. I put on a cassette and sat in front of my window- the night sky always helps me relax. Something about the way its vastness is never ending always comforted me, made me think no one was truly alone. Anyways, I was sitting there when I saw a shooting star. It was moving fast, faster than most stars. I don’t know what came over me, but I felt this urgent need to make a wish. So I did. I thought to myself, I want somebody just for me. Someone to love, someone to call a friend. As soon as I thought it, the star seemed to change directions. Its arched path through the sky fell, and it appeared to be plummeting towards my backyard. I watched it come crashing down, straight into the ground. I was startled, to say the least,” Ashton said, pausing for a moment. His silence seemed so thoughtful that Michael almost felt like he was intruding. Like he was witnessing something private for Ashton, the shadow boy.

“And then?” Michael breathed. Ashton let out a small sound almost like a single laugh. 

“Well, I ran outside. Like I said, it was late, maybe around two in the morning. I went out into the backyard and there it was, the star. It was a shining white thing, solid- not gas the way the science textbooks in school say stars are. I picked it up in my hands without thinking and panicked instantly, expecting my hands to burn. But it wasn’t hot. It was like a cool baseball, resting perfectly in the palms of my cupped hands. I was astonished, to say the least. That all lasted for a few seconds, though. Suddenly I felt a sharp pain in my hands, and it shot through my arms and the rest of my body in an instant. The pain was so intense, my whole body went ice cold and then numb. I could feel myself losing consciousness and right before I did, I heard a voice. It was like it was coming from inside my brain, so gentle but so loud at the same time.”

“What did it say?” Michael asked, completely absorbed in Ashton’s story. The black figure seemed to turn in his direction, as if this guy was looking right at him. 

“It said, ‘he’s coming’.” 

Michael sat stunned, unaware of when exactly he had sat down next to Ashton. His hands gripped his chocolate milk so tightly, his knuckles were white. 

“Who was?” He asked. He saw the figure move, as if Ashton was shrugging. 

“‘Dunno. I guess I was out for a few hours because when I came to, the sky was beginning to lighten. It was dawn, and I was covered in a thin layer of dew. I rushed back indoors, scared of my parents seeing me and asking questions. I made it back to my bed and lay there for hours, faking sick when my mom came knocking on the door and shouting about school time. The first few days after the whole star situation were fine, and then it started happening,” Ashton said. 

Michael took a sip of his milk, biding his time while the shadow boy collected his thoughts. At least this is what Michael assumed. It was hard to know what somebody was thinking when you can’t see their face. After a few more moments of silence, Michael asked his next question. 

“What started happening, Ashton?”

“Well it happened so gradually that I didn’t realize what was happening until it was too late. The first time I noticed it was one morning while I was brushing my teeth. I was studying myself in the mirror, looking for any little imperfection to mess with. I couldn’t help but notice a small grey thing right beneath the left side of my hairline. For a second, I thought it was a stain on the mirror. Then I leaned in closer and realized it was a spot on my actual skin. A light shade of grey. Didn’t even make sense so I didn’t give it much thought, wrote it off as the beginning on a birthmark. I wish I would’ve realized it was the beginning of the end,” Ashton said sadly. He sniffled, a small and helpless sound that crushed Michael’s heart. None of this made sense to him, too unnatural to be real. But the truth was right in front of him. He wasn’t dreaming, he wasn’t still drunk. There was really a shadow figure named Ashton in front of him, a young man who had been through something abnormal and crazy. All of it was a lot to take in, and Michael couldn’t even begin to imagine how hard it must’ve all been for the other boy. So, without thinking, Michael reached a hard out and placed it on Ashton’s knee. As soon as he did, the shadow boy pulled away. 

“What the- you can touch me?” He asked, voice reflecting absolute shock. Michael shrugged, a small smile forming on his face. 

“Guess so,” he said. He reached out to grab Ashton again, but the other jumped up from the bed, slowly retreating. 

“No, that’s not- that can’t be right. I can’t... do this,” he mumbled. 

And just like that, he was gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so here is part two! it's much shorter than first one but I just wanted to update it and add a little bit about our shadow boy.  
> Like i said at the end of the first chapter, i would like to make an insta account for this story and others so pls pls pls leave a comment if you'd be interested in that!


	3. Chapter 3

The rest of the day dragged on for Michael. He didn’t understand what exactly was happening to him, but he knew it was something big. Out of nowhere, this shadow being-Ashton, his name was Ashton- was appearing to him, and it was no coincidence that it was happening now, towards the end of the year. November and December were always extremely difficult months for Michael, emotionally. They reminded him of... bitter times, really. 

It was now late in the afternoon and Michael was sitting in the patio of the apartment he shared with his two best friends. The apartment complex they lived in had two to four apartments per building and a lot of green areas in between, so they each had a bit of a backyard to call their own. Michael sometimes sat out there, straight on the grass, to unwind from stressful days. This day was one of those. 

As Michael sat there, watching dusk unfold, he remembered what Ashton had said to him earlier that morning. When he had been lonely, he wished on a shooting star. Michael looked up, watching as stars twinkled to life the darker the sky got. There were no shooting stars, but Michael gazed up nonetheless. He heard the door behind him creak open, and he turned around to see Luke sticking his head out. 

“Hey Mike, Cal and I are going out to grab some ice cream. Want any?” He asked. 

Michael thought about it for a second and then nodded. 

“Bring me back some of that vanilla one with chocolate syrup, please!” He responded, smiling at his friend. He was glad Calum had met Luke and dragged him into their lives. He was a beautiful soul, and Michael was a better person for knowing him. Luke grinned back and stuck out his arm to give Michael a thumbs up before retreating inside and shutting the door. Michael heard car doors a few minutes later, signaling that his friends were leaving. He sighed, leaning back and holding himself up with his palms flat on the ground. He returned his gaze to the night sky. 

“It’s mesmerizing, isn’t it? The way the stars glitter brighter than any diamond ever could?” Ashton asked. 

Michael jumped slightly, not having noticed Ashton’s sudden appearance. He turned to his right, seeing the dark figure sitting in what seemed to be the same position as he himself was in.

“You know, I had never thought of the stars the way you do. I must admit, however, that they are stunning. A wonderful sight indeed,” Michael muttered. He heard Ashton sigh beside him. 

“I’m sorry I disappeared earlier. It’s just, I haven’t had any physical contact in so long. Like I said, I hadn’t even been seen until a few days ago. It was unexpected and I didn’t know how else to react,” he whispered sadly. Michael turned to face him again, wishing with all his heart that he could see the boy next to him, see his face and his hair and his skin. 

“Can I?” Michael asked, reaching out a hand but hesitating as he did so. He didn’t want to scare Ashton off again. He heard the other inhale sharply, silence following for a few seconds. Then he exhaled slowly, and Michael could see the slight nod. He took this as the green light he needed, reaching out until his hand lay on top of the shadow’s hand. It was solid and even warm, the way Michael knew anybody else’s hand would be on a day like this. It was so surreal to him. 

“Tell me more about yourself, Ashton. About you before.. whatever this is,” he said. 

“Like what?” Ashton responded. 

Michael shrugged, eyes lingering on the stars while he spoke up. 

“Anything! Tell me about the things you liked to do, the music you liked to listen to. Did you have any pets? What are your parents like?” He rambled, only stopping when Ashton laughed. 

“Okay, okay! Relax Mikey, give me a chance to answer. I liked doing a lot of things. I liked painting, writing, playing music. I was going to teach it, you know? Music, to kids like me who had an uncontrollable urge to tap their fingers in class or play the air guitar whenever a great song played on the radio. Painting was more of a casual hobby, but people always told me I was good. Writing too, it was mostly for fun but I always did great in my English assignments growing up,” he said. Michael nodded, liking the way Ashton sounded a little more cheerful when he spoke about these things. 

“I like writing too,” he said. “Also for fun. I like writing short stories, poems sometimes. Things no one will ever read. And I love photography!” 

“I know.”

Michael turned to look at Ashton again, realizing once more how much he wished he could see this man’s face. 

“How- how do you know?” He asked, stuttering a little at the beginning. Ashton pulled away, standing up and pacing in front of him. This went on for a few minutes before he spoke up. 

“I’ve been, uh, how do I say this? Watching you? For a while now,” he mumbled nervously. Michael stood up immediately, grabbing Ashton by the wrist and pulling him towards the door to the apartment. He kept his grip tight as he opened the door, ushering him in first and then following. Once they were inside, he shut the door and turned to face the other once more. 

“What do you mean, watching me?” He asked, confusion dripping from his words. Ashton sighed and began walking again, this time up the stairs and towards Michael’s room. The latter followed, desperate to know what he meant. Once they made it to the room, Ashton spoke up again. 

“I’ve been around for a long while, Michael. Years. I’ve watched you grow up,” he said sadly. Michael shuddered a little, not knowing exactly how to feel about the idea that he had been watched for...

“For how long?” He asked.

“Ever?” Ashton whispered. 

A choked noise escaped Michael’s throat and he hit his knees, Ashton doing the same. He was about to speak but Ashton did before Michael had the chance to. 

“I’m sorry, Michael. It wasn’t my decision at first, I swear. When this happened, when I turned into this- this figure- I disappeared from my family too. I went to bed one day and when I woke up in the morning, it was because there was a baby crying incessantly. I got up, utterly confused because my surroundings were unfamiliar, and I followed the sound straight into a nursery. And there you were. Only a few days old, chunky and adorable, with this tuft of white blonde hair on the top of your little head. I didn’t know what was going on but when your parents didn’t come to quiet you, I tried to myself. I didn’t want to pick up a random baby, you know? So I started whispering to you, trying to calm you down with just my voice. And I did. After singing the first lullaby that popped into my head, you stopped crying. Your eyes finally opened up and they were the prettiest shade of green. I thought you were the cutest little thing,” he whispered. Michael gasped, the tears that had been pooling around his eyes finally giving way and streaming down his cheeks. 

“Does that mean- Ashton, how long have you been like this?” He whimpered, voice cracking as his heart did the same. Ashton sighed, and his next words came out watery. 

“Since you were born, I guess. The first few days after I- disappeared, I suppose, I was still at my own home. But nobody could see or hear me. I could see my parents looking for me like crazy, calling all my friends, searching for me in hospitals and police stations. And then a week or two later, I woke up in your house,” he responded. 

“But that doesn’t make any sense! Why did this happen to you, and why were you sent to my life? You’ve been like this for twenty one years?!” Michael cried. He was shaking, so sad and anxious that he felt a complete meltdown coming. 

“Mikey, stop. Breath, baby, please. You’re about to have a panic attack,” Ashton begged, evidently in distress as well. “I’ve seen you work yourself up into so many of these, I could never do anything about it,” he said sadly. Michael turned to face him. 

“But Ashton, why could I hear you when I was a baby but not afterwards? Did you ever try speaking to me?” He asked, sniffling after. Ashton nodded, his next words sounding almost amused. 

“Call your parents and ask them about your first friend, Michael,” he said. When Michael blinked, Ashton was gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> real quick and unedited update cause it's tuesday let's goooo


	4. Chapter 4

The next morning, the first thing Michael did was call his parents. After a few rings, his mother’s voice came through. 

“Hello?”

“Hi mom, are you busy?” He asked. 

“No baby, why? Do you need something?” His mother replied. Michael exhaled, closing his eyes and pressing a hand to his forehead. He was kind of afraid to ask, but he had to. So after a beat, he spoke. 

“I had a... weird dream last night, and I wanted to ask- Do you remember my first friend growing up?” 

He heard his mom chuckle on the other side, clearly surprised by the question. 

“Your first friend or your first _real_ friend?” She asked. Michael opened his eyes, more attentive now than he had been a second ago. 

“The first option?” He asked unsurely. 

“Well baby, from the moment you could talk, you began telling your dad and I about your friend. You would tell us that you played with him at daycare, that he liked coloring with you and that the two of you took your daily naps together. I thought it was cute, the way you had instantly gotten so close to another child. After hearing so much about him, I wanted to invite him and his mother over for dinner and a play date, so I went to the daycare and asked. And then the caregivers told me the truth,” she said with a pause, almost as if for dramatic effect. 

“Well?” Michael prodded. 

“They said you didn’t have any friends in daycare. That you stuck to yourself only, at the playground, activity tables, and napping area. But that every now and then, the teachers would catch you mumbling to yourself, laughing even when no one was around. It went on until you were about five, I believe, and then you never mentioned your friend again. It was really odd but your dad and I just pinned it on natural children’s creativity,” she sighed, reliving the memories of her baby boy. 

Michael tapped his forehead in frustration. 

“Did I ever tell you his name?” He asked. His mom hummed in thought. 

“Not at first. Well, you tried, but I couldn’t understand you. And when I noticed you stopped talking about him, I asked you about him and all you said was ‘Ash is gone, mommy’”. 

Michael groaned.

“Thank you mom, that’s all I wanted to know. I’ll call you later, okay? Love you,” he said, hanging up before she could even respond. 

“Did she say it was me?”

Michael grunted, turning and seeing Ashton’s figure laying in bed next to him. 

“Dude, you gotta stop showing up unannounced like this, it scares the shit out of me every time,” he said exasperatedly. Ashton giggled. 

“Sorry, Mikey. I forget you can actually see and hear me now, you know? I spent so long being absolutely invisible,” he responded, a little too cheerfully for the topic. Michael turned to lay on his side, facing Ashton’s figure. 

“Right, sorry. Anyways, she said my first nonexistent friend’s name was Ash. I’m a little confused though, were you appearing to me as a grown ass man?” Michael asked skeptically. Ashton giggled again, a sweet and high sound that made Michael feel warm inside. 

“Yes, but I promise it wasn’t in a weird way. I colored with you to teach you to stay in the lines, I played hide and seek with you on the playground because nobody else could see me, made it easier. As for nap time, I sang quietly to you so that you could sleep. You never could if I wasn’t there to whisper the song I first sang to you, you know?” Ashton replied. It was-“

“You are my sunshine,” Michael whispered, suddenly remembering this same man from his childhood. It was like a dam he didn’t even know existed in his head had been broken, memories rushing back, flooding his mind with so many days and nights spent with Ashton. 

“Precisely, my sunny boy. That’s what I used to call you, you loved it. I was like your guardian angel, you know? Only a little bit more solid. A bit more present,” Ashton said. Michael couldn’t help the tears appearing in his eyes again. Ashton noticed and whined. 

“Mikey no, please don’t start crying. I understand this all seems ridiculous but what matters is that you can see me now. Well, not exactly but at least you know I’m here,” he said, bringing a hand up to Michael’s face. He cupped his chin gently, using his index fingers to wipe lightly at the bottom of the crying boy’s eyes. Michael sniffled. 

“I just can’t believe you’ve always been around. That means you saw it all, right? The moving, the bullying. You saw the heartbreaks?” He said, the last part coming out more as a question than a statement. 

“I did, yes. You don’t know how many times I wished that I could just hold you, keep you from all that pain and suffering,” Ashton said softly. Michael choked back a sob. 

“I was so hurt, Ash. I didn’t deserve all of that,” he cried. Ashton shushed him quietly, pressing his forehead against Michael’s. 

“I know, baby. I know you didn’t. You did everything right,” he whispered, so close that Michael could feel his breath on his face. Before he could say anything else, the sound of footsteps rapidly coming up the stairs could be heard, and right before the bedroom door swung open, Ashton disappeared. Michael turned to look at the door just as Calum and Luke walked in, carton of ice cream and a spoon in their hands. They immediately noticed the tear stains on Michael’s face and silently walked up to him, climbing into his bed on either side of him. 

“What’s wrong, Mikey?” Calum asked. Luke just leaned his head on Michael forehead and threw an arm over his waist, opting to remain quiet. Michael gave his friend a shaky grin. 

“Nothing, guys. It’s just one of those nights,” he said, watching the boys nod in total understanding as he continued, “but it’s nothing this ice cream and some cuddles can’t fix. Shall I turn the telly on?”

Calum laughed and agreed, pressing a kiss to Michael’s cheek and assuming the same position as Luke, sandwiching Michael in their warm arms. 

“Put some Grey’s on,” Luke ordered. 

“Aye aye, Captain.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Super short update just because I forgot it was Tuesday smh


	5. Chapter 5

The next time Ashton appeared, he did so with a proposition. 

“Hey Mikey.”

Michael was sitting at the edge of his bed, tying his laces, when he heard the voice. He smiled down at his shoes and straightened up, seeing Ashton’s shape leaning against his dresser with his arms crossed. 

“Good afternoon, Ash. Took you long enough to come around,” he said, a playful hint of bitterness in his tone. 

“I know, I’m sorry. I’ve been, uhmm, a bit busy,” Ashton responded apologetically. 

“Busy? What, you’ve got another person you’ve been following around since birth?” Michael joked. Although he couldn’t see Ashton’s face, he saw the latter tense up the second the words left his mouth. 

“That’s not funny, Michael,” Ashton said icily. Michael instantly regretted his words. 

“I’m sorry, Ash. I didn’t mean to-“

“To what, say that? It’s kinda shitty that you did, Michael,” Ashton said, cutting Michael off. The blonde boy nodded his head quickly, agreeing with Ashton before he could get more upset. 

“I know, I’m so sorry. I know it’s not like that at all, I just- I missed you, is all. It’s only been a few days since I learned of your existence, or remembered it, I suppose, but it felt weird not speaking to you these last four days,” Michael mumbled. “I sort of felt abandoned.”  
He watched as Ashton approached his bed, taking a seat next to him. He reached out his right hand and placed it gently on Michael’s knee. 

“I would never abandon you, Mikey. I’ve been here for 21 years, what makes you think I’d go now? Not willingly, not ever,” Ashton said reassuringly.

Michael let out a laugh, small and surprised. He still couldn’t believe that this was happening. How was it possible that this man had been placed in his life? Practically given to him, since Ashton had been around since his birth. Why had his wish been granted this way? It was like he was a celestial being, like an...

“Angel. That’s what you are to me,” Michael whispered. He saw Ashton nod in agreement. 

“I don’t know that I’m heavenly but I would like to be regarded as your guardian angel. After all, I’ve been here through practically every little thing you’ve ever done,” Ashton laughed. 

Michael covered Ashton’s hand with his own. 

“Anyways, where were you?” He asked. 

“I don’t really want to get into that right now. I’ll save it for another day, okay?” Ashton asked gently. Michael hummed in response, giving Ashton’s hand a tiny squeeze before the shadow boy continued speaking. 

“I actually wanted to ask you something.”

Michael turned to look towards Ashton’s face curiously. It was a natural reaction, despite not being able to see the older man’s actual face.

“I was wondering if you wanted to go on a date with me?” Ashton asked. 

Michael’s heart stuttered, skipping a whole beat at the question. He always thought that was just something people said in movies and books. They’d die if their hearts skipped beats, he’d say. But there was no other way to describe the flutter in his chest at Ashton’s question. 

“A date, huh? What do you have in mind?” He questioned. Ashton let out a nervous giggle. 

“Well, we can’t exactly go out to dinner or anything like that because I don’t want people thinking you’re a loner for going out to a fancy restaurant by yourself. But you know what we could do?” He asked. 

“What?”

“We could go to the cinema.”

“The cinema? How is that any different from dinner. I’d still look like a loner and-“

“Movie theaters are dark, Mikey. We could sit at the back and nobody would even be able to see me. We could whisper stupid jokes to each other throughout the film and it wouldn’t be weird to anyone at all,” he said shyly. 

Michael blushed at the mere idea of it all. He looked down to hide the pink that was dusting his cheeks. 

“That sounds lovely, Ash. What do you want to watch?” He asked, eyes still trained on his shoes. 

“You can pick that! But I have one more request,” Ashton responded. 

“And what is that?” 

“Lend me your phone, please. I need to arrange part two of our date,” Ashton said. “You can’t see my face but I’m wiggling my eyebrows as I speak,” he giggled. Michael couldn’t help but do the same as he handed his phone over. He watched as Ashton quickly unlocked it (“I’ve been watching you for years, love, of course I know your passcode”) and then stood up, walking towards the other side of the room while tapping away at the screen. After two minutes, he nodded and returned the phone to Michael. 

“There. Now, what movie shall we watch?”

***

They ended up watching Last Christmas and the movie was just as corny and cringe-worthy as Michael said it would be. Ashton had insisted, however, claiming that it was the perfect movie to watch with Christmas fast approaching. Michael had spent most of the movie whispering crude jokes about the characters into Ashton’s ear, making the other boy giggle throughout most of the film. At one point, a couple sitting a few rows below them had turned to shush them. It must’ve been very odd to them to see that Michael was whispering and laughing to himself. 

Although, of course, Ashton had been by his side the whole time. 

As the credits rolled through, Michael and Ashton waited for the small crowd of people to exit the theater room. Once the last person was gone, Michael and Ashton stood up. 

“Well that was a wonderful movie,” Ashton said, sighing in content. Michael scoffed. 

“You can’t be serious, Ash.” 

“I am! I’m a sucker for romance films, and this one was pretty darn good,” Ashton replied, taking Michael’s hand and leading him down the dark steps to the exit. Again, Michael felt the slight flutter in his chest. 

“Yeah yeah, whatever you say. What now?” Michael asked. 

“Well now it’s time for me to keep my mouth shut for the cab ride home but the second part of our date is waiting for us at your place!” Ashton exclaimed. The younger boy raised an eyebrow at that. 

“At home? Well, let’s get going then. I’m dying to see what you came up with,” he responded, excitement creeping in as he hailed a cab down.

The ride home was quick, thanks to the time and the fact that it was the middle of the week. Michael couldn’t help but bounce in his seat a little, eager to see what else Ashton had planned. 

As the cab stopped outside his apartment, Michael handed a crisp bill to the driver, telling him to keep the change as he hopped out and allowed a few seconds before he shut the door. The whole not being able to see Ashton whenever he chose not to be seen was difficult, but Michael was easily getting used to always waiting a certain amount of time before shutting doors or turning off lights. He watched as the taxi driver sped off before speaking up. 

“Ready to go inside, Ash?”

He heard a hum from behind him and smiled. Any other person would freak at not being able to see who they were speaking to. It was almost like talking to a ghost, but Michael knew Ashton was there. Ashton had always been there. 

Michael made his way into his home, again holding the door open with his foot for a second. 

“I’m in,” Ashton whispered, lips brushing his ear ever so lightly. Michael couldn’t help the way the hairs at the nape of his neck bristled.   
Michael walked towards the stairs, about to climb them when he heard Calum calling from the living room. 

“Hey Mike, I got those things you asked me for!”

Michael turned around, walking back into the living room. 

"They’re on the kitchen table,” Calum continued, eyes trained on the tv as his fingers methodically pressed the buttons on the PS4 control he was holding. Michael stood there in confusion. 

“What did I ask you for?” 

“You texted me earlier, you weirdo. Before you went out,” Calum replied, still refusing to pause his game to face Michael. 

“I didn’t ask you for anyth-“ Michael was cut off by a jab to his side. He yelped, rubbing his ribs as he glared in the general direction he assumed Ashton was. 

“Just say thank you and go,” the invisible man he was growing so fond of hissed almost silently. 

“Right, thanks Cal!” Michael called, grabbing the bags on the table and rushing up stairs without checking to see what they held. He walked into his room, setting the bags down and hearing the bedroom door close behind him. He turned in place to face Ashton, who was now his solid shadow self again. 

“Christ Mikey, you’re so daft,” he said, laughing. Michael huffed and crossed his arms in front of his chest. 

“‘S not my fault you didn’t tell me you asked Calum to buy us something! I didn’t even realize that’s what you did when you borrowed my phone,” he whined, pouting a bit as he did. Ashton chuckled again and approached him slowly. 

“Open the bag,” he instructed softly. Michael did as he was told and looked back up at Ashton, confusion etched in his brows. 

“Paint? And what, canvases?” He asked. 

Ashton nodded. 

“I figured part two of our date could be something that requires us to express ourselves a little more. I dunno, I thought it would be nice,” he said, trying to shrug it off, as if he hadn’t given much thought to this activity he clearly organized. Michael smiled, awed at the fact that Ashton had thought of such a cute idea. 

“It’s nice, Ashton. It’s really nice,” Michael responded, feeling a blush creep into his cheeks. 

“Come on, let’s get started,” he added, grabbing the plastic bags and dumping the contents on the floor. A dozen small paint jars fell out alongside two sets of paint brushes and a pair of canvases. He kneeled down, lining the jars up in color code order (his slight OCD wouldn’t allow it any other way) as Ashton took a seat in front of him, crossing his legs and pulling a canvas and some brushes onto his lap. 

“Wait, we need two cups of water,” he remembered. He stood up and made his way into the adjoining bathroom, and Michael heard the taps opening and then shutting a few seconds later. He looked up to see Ashton rejoin him on the floor, handing a cup of water to Michael for his use. 

“What are you going to paint?” Michael asked curiously. Ashton tutted, holding his canvas at an angle that hid it from Michael’s view. 

“You’ll have to wait and see! You, however, can paint whatever you’d like,” he teased. 

“Fine,” Michael groaned, “I’ll do my own thing then.” 

Michael set up some music on his phone to play quietly while he and Ashton got to work on their paintings. Michael decided to draw the night sky, pulling the memory of the night Ashton had explained just how long he had really been around from his mind as he did. He dipped his paintbrush in a rich purple color, brushing it slowly onto his canvas. A delighted little gasp escaped his lips as he spread the coat of paint around, and he heard Ashton chuckle in front of him. 

Michael had always loved painting. He wasn’t very good at it, always noticing how his work lacked proper angles and depth and detail, but it was a therapeutic activity for him. He always felt oddly at peace with a brush in his hand, but of course Ashton knew that. Ashton knew so much about him, despite the fact that he didn’t know much about Ashton at all.   
Michael sighed, painting slowly as he hummed to the music playing. The song was one from his high school days, back when he wanted nothing more than to cease to exist. 

“You okay?” 

Michael looked up to see that Ashton was no longer painting. He couldn’t see his face, of course, but he assumed the man was looking at him with concern or another similar expression. 

“Yeah, why do you ask?” Michael looked down. 

“Because I know what this song means to you. I know you listened to it on repeat when... when he left,” Ashton murmured, a hint of anger in his voice. Michael shrugged, continuing to dot little stars onto the blackish-purple sky he had blended together. 

“That’s in the past, you know?” I don’t mind it all that much anymore,” he responded. 

“Okay, I just wanted to make sure,” Ashton said, going back to his painting. Whatever he was doing seemed to be going well because eventually, he let out a low whistle and set his brush down, still shielding his canvas from Michael’s preying eyes. 

“Almost done, Mick?” He asked. Michael laughed, looking up at him with a quizzical look. 

“Mick, huh? That’s a new one,” he hummed. Ashton shrugged. 

“Just trying different nicknames out, seeing which one sticks,” he giggled. After that, he waited quietly for Michael to finish his painting, occasionally drumming his fingers on the floor to the beat of the music. Finally, Michael set his brush down as well, pleased with the final product of his work. He smiled up at Ashton. 

“Ready to show each other what we did?” He asked, wagging his eyebrows playfully at Ashton. The latter giggled again, agreeing. 

“On the count of three?” He asked. Michael nodded and counted with him. On three, they both flipped their canvases so the other could see. Ashton let out another whistle and a laugh. 

“Nice!” He cheered. “Your best work yet, if I do say so myself.”

Michael didn’t respond, too entranced by the painting Ashton had made. 

It was of a man. He was tall, with pearly white skin and shaggy, slightly faded red hair. It curled above his forehead, looping gently in a tousled way. There was a small smile on his face, more smirk than anything, resting below a perfect nose. His hand was touching his ear, showing long, thick fingers attached to a wide palm. He wore a jacket and a t shirt with some sort of logo on it. But what took the breath right from Michael’s lungs were the eyes. They were a beautiful shade of sea foam green, somehow bright and dull at the same time. Bright in color, reflecting what seemed like the light of a rising sun so beautifully. But dull because they were full of longing, like there was a deep sadness within the man in the painting. 

Michael was shaken out of his trance by Ashton clearing his throat. 

“What is it, darling? Cat got your tongue?” Ashton joked weakly. It was almost as if he were nervous. Michael shook his head slowly, eyes still taking in every little detail of the masterpiece before him. 

“Who is that, Ash?” He breathed almost inaudibly. 

“Me?” Ashton muttered quietly, more of a question than a statement. Michael was at a total loss for words at that. It took him a couple of minutes before he could speak again. 

“You’re beautiful, Ash.” 

And then Michael started crying. It happened so fast, he wasn’t even expecting himself to react that way. But when he saw Ashton, what he was supposed to look like instead of the shadow figure he was now, he felt his heart shatter in his chest. Ashton immediately threw his painting aside, crawling to close the gap between himself and the seemingly inconsolable boy that was Michael. He quickly wrapped him in his arms, pulling him onto his lap.

“Michael, what the hell? What’s wrong?” He cried, rocking the blonde boy in his arms in an attempt to soothe him. 

“I- I can’t- Ashton, I just can’t believe- why you?” Michael sobbed. “Why did your life have to be destroyed just so you could be a part of mine?” 

Ashton shushed him, bringing up a (totally dark, damn it) hand to wipe away Michael’s tears. 

“My life wasn’t destroyed, baby boy. Yes, everything changed and yes, it’s been a bit difficult, but I got you. My beautiful sunny boy, I got you. And I wouldn’t change a single thing about the way things played out for me, even if I could get another star to wish on,” Ashton whispered into Michael’s ear, gently rubbing his back as he continued to diffuse the situation. Michael sputtered quietly, slowly regaining his breath and steadying his racing, aching heart. 

“I’m- I’m sorry, Ash. I just can’t believe your whole life changed because of me,” Michael whispered miserably. Ashton sighed, tightening his grip around Michael. 

“It’s okay, baby. Like I said, if this hadn’t happened, we never would have met. You know I’m still 25, right? I haven’t aged, not since I became this. If I hadn’t, I’d be 46. We would’ve never come across each other, we would’ve never...” Ashton trailed off. 

“What?” Michael asked. Ashton inhaled deeply. 

“We would’ve never been able to do this,” he whispered, connecting their lips slowly. Michael gasped in surprise but then immediately melted into the kiss, softly moving his lips against Ashton’s. As they kissed gently, Michael’s heart broke again at the thought of not being able to truly see Ashton. They broke apart when they heard Luke calling from downstairs. 

“What?” Michael called back, meanwhile staring intensely at Ashton’s face. He couldn’t see it, of course, but at least now he could picture it like the self portrait Ashton had made. 

“Want to watch a movie with Cally and I?”

Michael was about to refuse when Ashton spoke. 

“Say yes, baby. Spend some time with the boys, I’ll be here waiting for you to come to bed,” he spoke softly. Michael shook his head. 

“But-“

“But nothing, Mikey. Go downstairs, I’ll see you back here in a few hours,” Ashton interrupted. 

Michael sighed. 

"Okay, but I’ll be back. Please be here,” he said. Ashton nodded and then disappeared.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys. Today was tough as shit and I would love to hear some feedback so I know I'm not writing this for nothing. Pls leave a comment or whatever


	6. Chapter 6

Michael trudged down the stairs slowly, wiping his eyes as he went. They were still wet and glassy from crying over Ashton’s painting. He hesitated at the bottom step, taking a deep breath before making his way into the living room. 

Calum and Luke were sitting on the longest couch, cuddling underneath a fuzzy brown blanket. They were whispering to each other, giggling obnoxiously the way happy couples usually did. They looked up at Michael as he walked in. The smile on Calum’s face faded immediately. He gently nudged Luke’s shoulder and the blonde boy quickly got the hint. Luke scooted over, patting the newly empty space between himself and Calum. 

“Were you crying, baby?” Luke asked. 

Michael offered him a small smile and a shrug. He squeezed into the tight space between his two best friends, rolling his eyes at how quickly they both latched onto him. 

“I wasn’t crying,” Michael mumbled. Calum scoffed. 

“Sure you weren’t, bud. Got that weird eye infection again, hmm?” He joked. Michael swatted him on the chest as Luke giggled, burying his face in his friend’s shoulder. 

“I was crying a little, but I’m okay,” he insisted. 

Calum nodded at that. Michael was hoping that was the end of the conversation but he was hardly ever that lucky. 

“And what were you crying about?” Luke persisted. 

“I don’t want to talk about it, guys. Is that okay with you?” Michael responded, keeping his gaze on the blanket that was now covering his legs too. He heard the blonde boy sigh but the next question he got was from Calum. 

“What do ya feel like watching tonight, Mikey? Anything in particular or are you fine with whatever?” 

Michael pretended to think for a second. 

“What about...”

“Please don’t say it,” Luke whispered. 

“... A Star is Born?”

Luke and Calum groaned at the same time, making Michael let out a howl of laughter. 

“Why do you bother asking him, Cal?” Luke whined, leaning over to snatch the control from Calum’s hands. Calum huffed, crossing his arms and giving the boys his best pout. 

“I wanted to give him a choice since he was crying about god knows what,” he grumbled. 

“He is right here, idiots,” Michael chimed in, smiling smugly as he watched Luke search up the movie and press play. 

“Whatever, Mike. Only because you’re sad,” Luke replied, fake rolling his eyes and throwing his arm over Michael’s middle to hold Calum’s hand at the same time. 

Michael hummed in content, leaning back to properly snuggle into the arms of the two best friends he’d ever had. 

********

The three young men sniffled as the credits began rolling. Nobody spoke for a moment, still too sad to say anything. After a few minutes, Calum broke the silence. 

“I cannot _believe_ we’re all sobbing again! You’d think after the seventh time of watching this, we’d get a fucking grip on our emotions!” He cried, rubbing at his eyes with closed fists like a child. Luke shook his head, wiping his nose on his own sleeve. 

“Are you kidding? How can you ever get a grip when it cuts to the scene of Jack singing to Ally? I could never,” he responded, sighing dramatically afterwards. Michael just laughed. 

“I love how you always complain about having to watch this movie but you still cry even more than I do. You two are the silliest pair I’ve ever come across,” he teased, pressing soft kisses to both of their cheeks when they simultaneously scoffed at his insult. He smiled at his friends, leaning his head onto the back of the couch and shutting his eyes. 

He was already missing Ashton, wanting so badly to go back upstairs and find him laying on his bed. He’d be there, he had promised. Michael brought a hand up to his bottom lip, sighing as he remembered the feeling of Ashton’s mouth on his. He was still reminiscing when he heard a throat clear to his left. 

“Mikey?” Calum spoke up gently. 

Michael opened one eye, tilting his head to the side to look at his friend. 

“Yes, Cally?”

“Do you still hurt over him?”

At that, Michael opened his other eye as well, dropping his hand onto his lap. 

“Oliver?” 

“Yeah,” Calum replied. Michael felt Luke tense on his other side, clearly uncomfortable with the conversation his boyfriend was attempting to initiate. Michael disregarded him, taking a moment to consider the question. 

“No. It stopped hurting a while back. Nowadays, whenever he crosses my mind, it isn’t with pain, betrayal, or anger. It’s something much more subdued. Numb, kind of. Sometimes... sometimes it’s even fondness.”

Luke squawked at that, jumping into the conversation. 

“Fondness? That’s not a feeling you should ever connect to that bast-“

“Now now, Lucas. I’m the one who was destroyed by him, not you. You need to calm down,” Michael tutted playfully. Luke huffed, crossing his arms over his chest. 

“I’m just saying, how could you feel anything other than distaste towards him? You almost died because of him.”

Michael shrugged, fixing his gaze on the television, which had already gone black. 

“I don’t think I almost died. I remember it felt that way, for a long time. It was three and a half years, after all. Three and a half long years of lies and humiliation, of abuse and insults and just constant pain. But there were some good times. They don’t outweigh the bad, not at all. We were both stupid. I hurt him, and that shouldn’t have been an excuse for him to treat me the way he did, but I grew from it. I learned a few tough lessons that I think I never would’ve understood on my own. And I wasn’t ever close to dying, not with the two of you holding me up with way you did. You guys saved my life, you guys made me want to stick around long enough for it to get better,” Michael exhaled, trying not to let the tears pooling at his eyes fall down his face. He wasn’t lying. It didn’t hurt anymore. Oliver had done a real fucking number on him, but Michael had survived. He was still standing, still fighting for himself every single day.  
The boys on either side of him had played such a strong role in getting him through everything. 

Calum wrapped both of his arms around Michael’s waist, laying his head on his shoulder. Luke did the same, squishing Michael as tightly as possible. Michael let out a watery chuckle, shaking his head as he looked up to the ceiling. 

“I’m okay, boys. I’m actually happier than I’ve been in a long while,” he said. 

Calum looked up curiously at that. 

“Oh? And why is that?”

Michael blushed, trying to look away before his best friend could see the color creeping up on his cheeks. He failed, mostly because Luke was on his other side and saw immediately. The blonde boy jumped up from the couch, pointing an accusing finger at Michael. 

“You’re blushing! Why are you blushing?” He demanded, mischief swimming in his eyes. Calum sat up at that, holding Michael at an arm’s length and narrowing his eyes. 

“Not why, Luke,” he said, eyes still fixated on Michael. “Who. Who are you blushing for?””

Michael rolled his eyes, shaking his head as he thought about how to answer that. He couldn’t be specific about Ashton because his friends would want to meet him immediately, and that was not an option. He had to be vague, which was never an easy task with two friends who wanted to know absolutely everything at all times. 

“I started hanging out with a guy. He’s been around for a long time but I, uh, barely noticed him recently. He’s a good lad. I quite like him,” Michael mumbled. Luke’s head tilted to the side, considering what his friend was saying while Calum shouted “AHA! I knew it!”

“You don’t sound all that excited, Mikey. What’s wrong?”

Michael shook his head again. It seemed he was doing that way too often nowadays. 

“Nothing’s wrong. I’m getting to know him still. I’d like to keep it private for a while longer, if that’s okay with the two of you.”

Michael watched as Calum’s shoulders fell. He looked hurt at that statement. 

“But you tell us everything, Michael. Especially when it comes to boys,” he muttered. Michael nodded at that, placing a gentle hand on Calum’s and reaching out the other to grab at Luke’s. 

“I do. And I promise I’ll tell you about him when I’m ready. I just want to be sure this isn’t all one-sided, okay? He’s been nothing but kind and loving towards me. I want to be sure,” he replied, kindly but firmly. Calum sighed at that, grabbing onto Michael’s hand in some sort of understanding. Luke nodded as well, rejoining his best friend and boyfriend on the couch. 

“That sounds good to me, Mikey. Hope it all works out. It’s about damn time you find someone worthy of you,” Luke smiled. Michael hummed, a feeling of hope warming his chest. 

He had the best friends he could ask for and a wonderful young man waiting for him in his bedroom.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Filler chapter! Sorry it’s a week late, I’ve been busy falling apart :)


End file.
